fecund

No, sorry I have one friend, I have Amanda. I love Amanda. She’s the only one. Bye.

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:05:58 -0700

No, sorry I have one friend, I have Amanda. I love Amanda. She’s the only one. Bye.

Best friends don’t exist. (a total pity party) I don’t think I have been this sad or...

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:01:00 -0700

Best friends don’t exist.
(a total pity party)

I don’t think I have been this sad or introverted in a very long time. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want anything anymore. But I’m lonelier than I’ve been in a very long time. I had a dream about someone last night and all it was, was him holding me tightly and telling me I would be okay. I woke up and cried because it wasn’t real. My home, the place I grew up in and have lived in for thirteen years, is either being sold REALLY quickly or going into foreclosure. I’m moving in with my sister and I’ve lost all my best friends for God only knows what reasons. I’m tired of not having one goddamn soul to rely on, although, this sounds like a pity party; I’ve realized how alone I really am. I’ve never been in love and loved back, I’ve never had a problem keeping friends until now. They hate me, and I don’t know what I’ve done. I really would like someone to just be able to call and say “Hey, come here. I need someone,” and they will. I want someone to legitimately care about me because I just keeping giving and giving every part of myself and my time and my money and my energy and my joy and I end up with nothing left over for myself. I’m exhausted and I am depleted and I’d like to crawl into a hole and never resurface. I’m not sure what’s going on, all I know is that I don’t want to be around anymore, and those thoughts are scaring me again and they’re resurfacing again and that is the absolute last thing I need. I need hugs and love and all I end up doing every night is curl up in a ball and watch a movie and pass out and go to work and come home and start over again. I’M FUCKING BORED AND LONELY AND BORED OF BEING LONELY AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO SO IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A TOTAL JACKASS WHEN ALL I WANT IS TO BE IN YOUR LIFE AND LOVE YOU AND LET YOU KNOW I’M HERE AND THAT I’M STILL TRYING THEN FUCK OFF BECAUSE I CANNOT DEAL WITH ASSHOLES ANYMORE. You were never my best friend if you’re making me feel this way, you’re just a person I’ve known for a while and shared some moments with.

Photo

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:50:16 -0700

People on Facebook and my friends are all going someplace for the summer and posting things like,...

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:46:00 -0700

People on Facebook and my friends are all going someplace for the summer and posting things like, “Off to Europe!” or “Off to Mexico!” or “Off to California!” or “Off to Australia!” and I’m just like, “OFF TO WORK!”

"The moon is a white strange world… The moon that pulls the tides, and the moon that controls the..."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:24:15 -0700

“The moon is a white strange world… The moon that pulls the tides, and the moon that controls the menstrual periods of women, and the moon that touches the lunatics, she is not the mere dead lump of the astronomist. When we describe the moon as dead we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void we are describing our own unbearable emptiness.”

- D.H. Lawrence, Introduction to The Dragon of the Apocalypse by Frederick Carter

slushy: paperimages: Malcolm Liepke

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:24:06 -0700

slushy:

paperimages:

Malcolm Liepke

"1. I say, ‘I am fat.’ He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’ I wonder why I cannot be both. He kisses me..."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:19:00 -0700

“1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.

2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.

10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.

”

- Rachel Wiley

I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I have to stop with my unemotional, physical stuff now.

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:16:08 -0700

I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I have to stop with my unemotional, physical stuff now.

"This is the most important thing about me — I’m a card-carrying reader. All I really want to do is..."

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:27:31 -0700

“This is the most important thing about me — I’m a card-carrying reader. All I really want to do is sit and read or lie down and read or eat and read or shit and read. I’m a trained reader. I want a job where I get paid for reading books. And I don’t have to make reports on what I read or to apply what I read.”

- Maxine Hong Kingston, Tripmaster Monkey: His Fake Book

Photo

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:25:31 -0700

“That Girl Suicide” The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:22:57 -0700

“That Girl Suicide” The Brian Jonestown Massacre

"These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, Which, as..."

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:22:09 -0700

“These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.”

- Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 6, William Shakespeare

blue-voids: François-Henri Galland

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:20:04 -0700

blue-voids:

François-Henri Galland

are you a lesbian?

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:19:20 -0700

Nope, I am straight. I enjoy man-flesh a lot. But I do find many ladies very beautiful, but doesn’t everyone do that?

"and then there are some who believe that old relationships can be revived and made new again. but..."

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:15:37 -0700

“

and then there are some who
believe that old
relationships can be
revived and made new
again.

but please
if you feel that way

don’t phone
don’t write
don’t arrive.

”

- Charles Bukowski

“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:12:42 -0700

“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys (Cover)” Black Lips

crowcrow: creativerehab:Thinly veiled. Lo-res 120 film scan.

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:10:17 -0700

crowcrow:

creativerehab:Thinly veiled.

Lo-res 120 film scan.

If you’re reading this, I hope you have an orgasm today.

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 10:29:03 -0700

If you’re reading this, I hope you have an orgasm today.

There’s a guy who just started working at the grocery store next door to the Goodwill I work...

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 01:45:36 -0700

There’s a guy who just started working at the grocery store next door to the Goodwill I work at and I want him; he’s nice and he’s sarcastic and I like that.

"I thought: hope cannot be said to exist, nor can it be said not to exist. It is just like roads..."

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 01:39:54 -0700

“I thought: hope cannot be said to exist, nor can it be said not to exist. It is just like roads across the earth. For actually the earth had no roads to begin with, but when many men pass one way, a road is made.”

- Lu Xun