No, sorry I have one friend, I have Amanda. I love Amanda. She’s the only one. Bye.
June 2013
Best friends don’t exist.
(a total pity party)
People on Facebook and my friends are all going someplace for the summer and posting things like, “Off to Europe!” or “Off to Mexico!” or “Off to California!” or “Off to Australia!” and I’m just like, “OFF TO WORK!”
“The moon is a white strange world… The moon that pulls the tides, and the moon that controls the menstrual periods of women, and the moon that touches the lunatics, she is not the mere dead lump of the astronomist. When we describe the moon as dead we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void we are describing our own unbearable emptiness.”
—D.H. Lawrence, Introduction to The Dragon of the Apocalypse by Frederick Carter
“1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.
2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.
3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.
4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.
5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.
6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.
8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.
9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.
10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.
I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I have to stop with my unemotional, physical stuff now.
“This is the most important thing about me — I’m a card-carrying reader. All I really want to do is sit and read or lie down and read or eat and read or shit and read. I’m a trained reader. I want a job where I get paid for reading books. And I don’t have to make reports on what I read or to apply what I read.”
—Maxine Hong Kingston, Tripmaster Monkey: His Fake Book
That Girl Suicide
The Brian Jonestown Massacre
“That Girl Suicide” The Brian Jonestown Massacre
“These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.” —Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 6, William Shakespeare
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.” —Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 6, William Shakespeare
are you a lesbian?
Nope, I am straight. I enjoy man-flesh a lot. But I do find many ladies very beautiful, but doesn’t everyone do that?
“
and then there are some who
believe that old
relationships can be
revived and made new
again.
but please
if you feel that way
don’t phone
don’t write
don’t arrive.
Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
Black Lips
“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys (Cover)” Black Lips
If you’re reading this, I hope you have an orgasm today.
There’s a guy who just started working at the grocery store next door to the Goodwill I work at and I want him; he’s nice and he’s sarcastic and I like that.
“I thought: hope cannot be said to exist, nor can it be said not to exist. It is just like roads across the earth. For actually the earth had no roads to begin with, but when many men pass one way, a road is made.”
—Lu Xun
“The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish
That swim.
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish
That swim.
The planets are the white whales
I sometimes hitch a ride on,
And the sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves
Into my heart and upon
My skin.
Dagger Moon
Dead Moon
“Dagger Moon” Dead Moon
Peach
The Front Bottoms
“Peach” The Front Bottoms
One day you will find someone who will love you like you deserve.
“The idea that you might end up in a job that doesn’t allow you to be who you are, over the course of a lifetime, is still one of the most chilling nightmares to me. It’s a good metaphor for fears I have about losing my soul in some accidental, mundane way. So, to me, these jobs that my characters have are very loaded. They immediately suggest a complex character to me, a woman who is, say, a secretary, but also a vigilante on behalf of her own soul.”
— Miranda July, No One Belongs Here More Than You
post a full-length picture of yourself from recently.
…okay, it’s gonna be blurred as heck though.
Wish Fulfillment
Sonic Youth
“Wish Fulfillment” Sonic Youth
“Have you ever wanted something very badly and then gotten it? Then you know that winning is many things, but it is never the thing you thought it would be. Poor people who win the lottery do not become rich people. They become poor people who won the lottery.”
—Miranda July, Birthmark
all-time favorite movie? just one!
Almost Famous
“I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.”
—Voltaire
what's the first album you heard that made you feel like you were listening to real music?
This is such a creative question but such a hard one to answer, so I’ll give you the first several answers that pop into my head!
Tommy by The Who
Blue by Joni Mitchell
Clouds by Joni Mitchell
Marry Me by St. Vincent
The Execution of All Things by Rilo Kiley
White Blood Cells by The White Stripes
Union by The Boxer Rebellion
Deja Entendu by Brand New
Hot Fuss by The Killers
The Bitter End by Right Away, Great Captain!
All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone by Explosions in the Sky
The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
A Rush of Blood to the Head by Coldplay
Parachutes by Coldplay
The Same Old Blood Rush With a New Touch by Cute Is What We Aim For
Shrines by Purity Ring
Lungs by Florence + the Machine
Two Suns by Bat for Lashes
Under the Pink by Tori Amos
A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out by Panic! At the Disco
Tidal by Fiona Apple
Disintegration by The Cure
Dog Problems by The Format
Tidelands by Moondoggies
For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver
This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About by Modest Mouse
To Lose My Life by White Lies
New Amerykah by Erykah Badu
Things Fall Apart by The Roots
Words Are Dead by Horse Feathers
The Covers Record by Cat Power
Family Tree by Nick Drake
Harvest by Neil Young
To Be Still by Alela Diane
“You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”
—Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s
“We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology…But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.”
—Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
I FINALLY just registered to vote and I became an organ doner. What’s up.
Someone get me a new fucking life. I’m tired of this bullshit. I haven’t stopped crying all evening.
I’ve had this clay face mask on my skin for about forty-five minutes now; too long. I think I’m going to treat myself with a few goodies off ASOS tomorrow with my paycheck. I want a few new clothes. I’m slowly going to build up my wardrobe since I can’t really just go and blow one hundred dollars on clothes whenever I want.
Ghost of York
As Tall As Lions
“Ghost of York” As Tall As Lions
Maybe I had too much wine.
I hope you come back tonight.
You never said goodbye.
“Something funny happens to people who are lonely. The lonelier they get, the less adept they become at navigating social currents. Loneliness grows around them, like mould or fur, a prophylactic that inhibits contact, no matter how badly contact is desired. Loneliness is accretive, extending and perpetuating itself. Once it becomes impacted, it isn’t easy to dislodge.”
—Olivia Laing, Me, Myself and I
can you tell us some examples of "lovely movies" that you like falling asleep to? :)
Bright Star, Elizabethtown, The Family Stone, One Day, Moonrise Kingdom
I DONT UNDERSTAND PEOPLE WHO WEAR THEIR SHOES IN THEIR HOUSE
Cucumber sandwiches and falling asleep to a lovely movie have to be two of my favorite things.
“Behind my carefully buttoned collar is my nakedness, the struggle to find clean clothes, food, meaning, and money. Behind sex is rage, behind anger is love, behind this moment is silence, years of silence.”
—Dorothy Allison, Two or Three Things I Know For Sure
